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bromont:the_brofist_chronicles

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Katawa Shoujo: The Brofist Chronicles

You awake in the same unfamiliar environment, well… you suppose that's not entirely true.

You've been getting more and more used to this place, not sure if that's a good thing or bad.

The pills look incredibly frightening… But luckily you got yourself some Strawberry Cool Aid made.

“OH YEAH” You yell happily as you devour the things keeping your heart from exploding. Damn, that's some good stuff.

You wash you face and get dressed, today's Sunday, and as much as you'd like to stay in bed and watch porno, today's suppose to be beautiful.

You then make your way to your door only to trip on your mat causing you to collide face first into the door, being reacquainted with your pal, the doorknob.

The growl coming from your mouth sounds like a maddened werewolf mating with a rabies infested Walrus as you get up and walk out through the dorms and into the daylight.

You could go read that new novel about Super Human Nazi's battling Jewish Frankengoldstein in the Library. Alternatively, the Tea Room might provide a pleasant atmosphere, and Lilly's a sight for sore eyes. The town is not far from here as well, you could go stock up on Cheetos and Cool Aid.

What will you do?

() Library

() Tea Room

() Restock supplies

() Do the Monkey


You open the door to the Library, the sound of the door opening itself breaks the blood waterfall instilling silence.

…There's no one here… Somehow, you're kinda sad you didn't run across Two Face and her Bro, Lilly.

Wait… What was that? You heard something, sounded like feet stomping.

But that's impossible, you don't see anyway around, today's morning masturbation must've took more out of you then you thought. Wait, did you even do that this morning?

You pause to recall, but stop when you hear the stomping noise again.

“Who's there?” You say in a curious voice.

“Hisao? Is that you…? OR ARE YOU A FEMALE SPY DISGUISED AS HISAO? MOTHER OF GOD, THEY GOT HISAO!”

“Goddamn it Kenji, where are you?”

“Up here”

You look up, Kenji's climbed on top of the bookcases, looking like he's walking on a piece of rope in a circus-

“Wait, how'd you get up there? There aren't any ladders here” you ask in a perplexed tone.

“Simple, I doubled jumped”

“What?”

“What.”

“That's not possible.”

“Bullshit, check this out”

Kenji starts trying to jump on the bookcases, seemingly attempting to double jump.

“Stop that you moron, it's dangerous.”

“I'll show you… I just need to grunt or something when I do it”

He starts grunting at the peak of his jumps, but to no avail.

“Screw it, I'm getting you down-”

“Brilliant! Hisao, you're a genious, I'll just do a screw attack!”

Kenji does some pathetic spin when he jumps and collides with a book case, causing it to fall directly over him as he lands.

“KENJI!” you yell in fear.

“Hisao, well this kinda sucks, looks like the female conspiracy has claimed yet another rightious soul! I regret nothing.”

The idiot sounds like he'll be doing just fine. Oh, there's the book you were looking for, next to Kenji's foot.

() Help Kenji out, get the book.

() Grab the book, go to ___

() Screw this, I'm finding Rin.

() Kid'n Play


You walk out of the Library, hearing Kenji hum the theme of Metal Gear Solid.

Hanako was waiting outside, looking at you.

“Hanako.”

“Hisao.”

“Ready for round two?”

“I went easy on you last time, and this time you will fall before my speed”

“Yeah, well you're gay”

“Hanako, that's not exactly how you trash talk”

“O-oh, sorry.”

“Anyway, up for a race? To the entrance, no stepping on the corners, no skipping, no shoes, final destinatio- ON YOUR MARK.. GET SET.. G-” you stop midway.

Hanako starts running but quickly realizes you didn't say “go” and stops, although it wasn't a very good stop considering the depth perception issues she's been having lately.

She skids into the wall head first, with her butt raised up in the air.

”-And GO!”

After getting a good look at Hanako's underwear, you run out towards where you know Rin is.

“Looks like I win again!” you say to the upstairs where I'm sure Hanako is crying. “Stop sucking so badly and you might actually lose better”

The sun is out and bright, hateful brightness, the sun is a jerk. I bet the sun would sleep with your mother and not use a condoms knowing full well he has HIV if he could.

Rin is outside, painting another wall in front of the school.

“Hisao”

“Rin”

The conversation is off to a good start. Now what?

() Brofist Rin

() Rape Rin

() Hit on Rin

() Discuss naked ladies with Rin.

() Play Ganster Rap and start freestyling with Rin.


“RIN, EXECUTE HUMAN JUKE BOX MODE 244, DROP THAT PHAT BEAT”

”..Did you just call me fat?”

“No, I was talking about you doing that thing with your mouth”

”…”

“No, nothing like that, I mean music wise”

“Oh, I see. You want me to do that rhythm thing while you read poetry”

“Err… it's called RAP”

“Word”

“What?”

“Word.”

“Whatever, just do it.”

Rin starts making a funky beat with her mouth.

“Yo Yo check it, My name is Hisao, Child of the broken Heart, mess with me and you'll feel like a little tart, I HNNNGGG when you kiss me, I HNNNRRRGGGG when you miss me, I smack a bitch when you dis me, Alright.”

You start making a beat with you mouth and look over towards Rin.

“Hmm..? Oh, I get a crack at it?”

“Lay it on me”

“Lay what?”

“Just shut up, and start rapping”

“You're giving me two conflicting responses here.”

“RAP”

“Alight, here it goes, my name is Rin, I get trapped in a Bin, some say that's a sin, but not as bad as my evil twin. I'm here with Hisao, who's pants smell like play-doh, I'd rather eat a potato, but I'd rather throw a rotten Tomato.”

“And thus we rap like bros”

“Cause I have no fingers, but lots of toes”

“The school they say “OH NOES””

“When I start lawnmover and learn how to mows”

“What?”

“Butt”

“No, you mow the lawn?”

“From dust til Dawn”

“Stop that”

“Not until you call me unfat”

“Orange.”

“Touche”

And thus the rap ends, pretty much a failure, but it was fun while it lasted. You call it a day. You've got Frankengoldstein to read, hopefully Kenji won't be there when you go to pick it up.


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bromont/the_brofist_chronicles.txt · Last modified: 2014/05/12 19:51 (external edit)